Discombobulate – Such a good word.
I’ve been trying to write this blog post for almost 2 months now. It will be the first real story I’ve written since I packed my life into two duffels and a bike box, hugged my friends and family goodbye and moved across the world. But the words just weren’t coming.
I started with writing about why I decided to make the move – but there are dozens of reasons and I was bored even listing them all, so I imagine it would be a tedious read. Then as it got closer to New Years I went with the whole New Years Resolutions concept– too cliche. I can count on both hands the number of drafts I’ve discarded in frustration after a paragraph or two.
So what was the story?
Then one day I was sitting on my surfboard, zenning out as I waited for the next set to come in and it hit me. Not the wave. The story.
The story is why there is no story!
Over the past few years I’ve had a bit of a crash course in life and love, failure and success. And I’ve used everything that life has throw at me to grow and become the person I want to be. I’ve become more confident & comfortable in who I am. And, like most people, when I get comfortable I get complacent. And I never want to be complacent.
So, a big part of the reason I decided to move to New Zealand was to push me outside of my box. I just had no idea how far out of my comfort zone I was about to be launched.
Adjusting to life in a foreign culture, a new environment hasn’t been the tough part. What I didn’t realize would affect me as much as it has, is the feeling of nobody knowing who I am. Not only does nobody know me, but they don’t even know anyone who DOES know me. It’s a hard feeling to explain – how you can know who you are deep inside but feel completely unlike yourself.
That lack of recognized identity has left me a bit discombobulated. And that’s why I haven’t been able to form a cohesive thought, haven’t been able to write the story.
I now realize that this next year is going to be so much more than pushing me professionally and creatively, much more than just exploring a new land and culture. It’s not about re-inventing and starting fresh, it will be about re-establishing and confirming the person I already am and discovering parts of me I didn’t know existed.
The story is just beginning….
